SESSION FRAMING Connection to the 15 Actions Thursday, October 4, 12 3. Confront behavior, not your assessment of their behavior. Why would you consider your stance to be the right one if you were them? One of our basic needs is to be seen and cared for. Starting conversations, keeping them going and knowing how to end them can be hard for tweens. - Bill Gardner, Noetic Outcomes Consulting, LLC, Most people hate to role play, yet it is an effective way to prepare for and practice tough conversations. A difficult or challenging conversation is a conversation where you have to manage emotions and information in a sensitive way in order to: address poor performance or conduct deal with personal problems investigate complaints/deal with grievances Continuing Education, Graduate Students, New Graduates/Transition to Practice, Pre-Licensure ADN/Diploma, Pre-Licensure BSN, RN to BSN, Staff Development. Listen to the intentions beneath the emotions and words being exchanged. 4. This helps build skills for future discussions. In our last module covering techniques and strategies in common coaching conversations, we're going to go over how to coach someone who is dealing with difficult colleagues as well as how to coach a fellow coach-manager. People talk to themselves about remaining rational during difficult conversations and often struggle with expressing and understanding their feelings. Next, write out what happened and be sure to keep it factual. Questions about an article? The aim is to build a complete short story based on the life of a university student. Keep the conversation focused objectively, and share both insights and opportunities to improve. “Difficult Conversations” and to practice the skills it introduces key points Discuss the key takeaways from the lecture 10 mins personAl inventory Reflect on a difficult conversation you had recently 15 mins 3 5 prACtiCing skills In pairs, evaluate your performance against the seven steps of an effective conversation. Be compassionate to yourself and the person who is receiving your feedback. Difficult Conversations Review. You have the status quo now, so why bother? Below, 14 coaching experts with Forbes Coaches Council offer valuable advice on how to overcome fear of conflict and successfully approach uncomfortable conversations. Some examples of active listening techniques are: Pay attention (duh!). Step into the other person's shoes to see where they come from. Shift toward making agreements instead of expectations for greater clarity and intention moving forward. Hygiene issues rank as one of the most difficult type of conversations to have and there are legal aspects to consider. Michelle Stowe is a restorative practitioner, trainer and consultant. (aka Body Oder) or even bad breath. However, avoiding difficult conversations can actually lead to dysfunction and lack of performance, which can ultimately have a negative impact on a team and the business as a whole. Have good intentions in your confrontation. We believe that we know what is really happening and what needs to happen. Critical conversations take practice, perspective, and preparation. [Tilt view silhouette: iofoto via Shutterstock ] Use these role play scenarios during difficult conversations manager training to supplement the training content and give managers the opportunity to put what they’ve learned into action. The advice offered here relates to communica-tion, but dealing with violence may involve using restraint, which is beyond the remit of this article. Grab a conference room for an hour and invite all the managers in your organization. Five Difficult Workplace Conversations for Leaders & HR, candid, sensitive, supportive, considerate and understanding, important not to sit on this announcement, ← How to Optimize Your Candidate Screening & Hiring Process, Job Search Terminology: Recruiter vs. - Virginia Franco, Virginia Franco Resumes, Approach the conversation with curiosity rather than judgment. This method allows you to share good news along with hard-to-share news — ideal for those of us who dread conflict. However, too often I have witnessed people seemingly offended at the very mention of them. - Tina Forsyth, Tina Forsyth, A difficult conversation is often better received when delivered using a "bad news sandwich," where the "buns" of the sandwich include positive words of praise, and the "meat" in the middle deals with the heart of the matter. In your pairs, you must plan and produce a role play based on the scenario, choosing to follow a path of either positive or negative communication to resolve the imagined situation. You may opt-out by. 5 min read “Diversity” and “inclusion” do not have to be dirty words. Then give your feedback with the same questions. A “difficult conversation” is difficult because we feel threatened. Members of Forbes Coaches Council share their top tips for approaching conflict when you don't like confrontation. Knowing these viewpoints will help you create a win-win situation and deliver the message in a calm manner. Ask yourself, how can this conversation create value for me, for the other person, and for the organization? It pays to tailor your approach from one of judgment to one … Then, with a colleague, role play how you would engage in the conversations. Understand Why This Is Important To You, If you need to have a conversation that is difficult for you, start with asking yourself why you really need to have the conversation. Rather than ending unpleasantly, the conversation could inspire both parties to adopt your consensus-building attitude. Instead, I aim to find the "truth" of the matter and to have the conversation from that place instead. And feelings will come to the surface in a difficult conversation. Write down what you want to say and be clear on the goal of the conversation: What do you want someone to leave with as an "a-ha" or action item? It is estimated that workplace conflict affects not only morale and productivity, but also turnover. - Karen Pery, Karen Pery Coaching + Consulting, 5. If the wave is too big, step back, feel the energy in your body, and allow it to dissipate. I find it helpful to have an opening statement that portrays my intent. Bringing up emotions can be a risk and it … Learner Setting(s) Classroom, Skills or Simulation Laboratories. and confront on that behavior. 2. After you’ve analyzed what you’ve done in the past and what you will do better in the future, and after you’ve outlined a plan for accomplishing your goals, find a friend—preferably someone who is not on your team at work. Recognized by Forbes as a top 50 social media influencer and is a global speaker. - Laurie Sudbrink, Unlimited Coaching Solutions, I'm a people pleaser at heart -- I hate to upset someone! Now we’re going to talk through practical tools to help you deal with difficult conversations in a more positive and proactive way.Many of the barriers are related to emotions – negative emotions. - Tonyalynne Wildhaber, Coaching & Consulting by Tonyalynne, Forbes Coaches Council is an invitation-only, fee-based organization comprised of leading business coaches and career coaches. Try to understand what explicit/implicit expectations are in place. - Larry Boyer, Success Rockets LLC, Wanting the best for the other person is a good place to start. 5. Is it more difficult having the conversation or keeping the status quo? The scenarios were written by John McDonnell, social work practice coach at Islington Children’s Services and David Wilkins. What would they say and how would they say it? And then commit to being fully present and helpful throughout the dialogue. By choosing the calm, centered state, you’ll help your opponent/partner to be more centered, too. "What are you not doing well?" Reflect on the feedback and discuss what you will do differently next time or re-play an element of the conversation (3 min.) Have your child practice on you. My least favorite was having the bra conversation with an employee at work. The tricky 10 - britain’s most difficult conversations occur in the workplace Pay packets – 33% Inappropriate behaviour in the workplace – 31% Confronting using inferences like "irresponsible," or "not a team player," causes defensiveness and makes success less likely. In contemplative practice, every time you observe an itch, a knee or back pain, without immediately jerking, you are developing the inner balance to respond rather than react. Have the conversation face-to-face and in a private location. While all difficult conversations are unique, it doesn’t mean you can’t prepare for them. 11 role play scenarios designed to help you encourage your students to interact more in the English classroom. studies, and demonstrations of new techniques with opportunities to practice them. Role-playing takes place between two or more people, who act out roles to explore a particular scenario.It's most useful to help you or your team prepare for unfamiliar or difficult situations. This is where your power lies. From time to time all managers will face conversations which they anticipate will be difficult and which they may feel ill-equipped to handle. Dealing with female facial hair in the office ranks up there with B.O. GO GAMESTORM! Then, role play with a trusted peer. - Frances McIntosh, Intentional Coaching LLC. You'll get through it. EY & Citi On The Importance Of Resilience And Innovation, Impact 50: Investors Seeking Profit — And Pushing For Change, Michigan Economic Development Corporation With Forbes Insights, End Of Year Gratitude: How To Close Out 2020 And Start 2021 On A Positive Note, Collaboration & Community: How Two Companies Work Together To Support Women In Need Of A Second Chance, The Vaccination Rollout Will Only Work If It's Driven By Technology, Want To Realize Your Full Potential? Schedule a conversation between the employee and a manager or HR representative who has the training and experience to handle difficult conversations. Breathe, center, and continue to notice when you become off center–and choose to return again. This is especially true for people who are afraid of conflict and would do anything possible to avoid it. Practice: We often practice sales pitches or informational presentations, but we don’t practice some of the conversations that matter most in our lives. You may want to start by saying, "I need to tell you something that might be difficult to hear." Find out if you qualify at Forbes Councils.…. How the other person responds is up to them; all I can do is be honest and real while looking for a solution. Strategy Type Online or Web-based Modules. What factors could be driving them to act/say/do things the way they are doing? Remember, the reason why some conversations are so difficult is that you’re dealing with others’ conflicting opinions, ideas and emotions. Site Design by The Spinbird Group. - Maleeka T. Hollaway, The Official Maleeka Group, LLC. Hold a “difficult conversations showcase”. He could compliment you, comment on the activity you’re involved in or ask a question about a common interest. When engaging in a conversation to help, our intent will come from a better place. Provide feedback: Colleague (2 min. Difficult Conversations is possibly the best book I have read on effective communication (and indeed it ranks first in my “best communication skills books“). Try to respond to the deeper intentions in play and in accordance with your shared purpose. Consider having another manager sit in as a witness to the conversation. It's a two-way conversation and not a personal attack. INITIATE DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONS Aspiring Principal’s Program October 4, 2012 Thursday, October 4, 12 2. Workology Inc. All Rights Reserved. For example, you can use it to practice sales meetings, interviews, presentations, or emotionally difficult conversations, such as when you're resolving conflict.By acting scenarios like these out, you can explore how other people are likely t… Meet with the employee in private. Expertise from Forbes Councils members, operated under license. If your intent is potentially hurtful to the other person, how can you look at this conversation differently? Examine what your true intent to having this meeting is. Instead of avoiding difficult conversations, find the courage to start confronting people in a constructive way, with skill and empathy. The survey also found that the four most difficult conversations were all work-based scenarios (see below); personal topics such as sex and money come further down the list. Having uncomfortable conversations at work is never easy, whether it’s with subordinates or co-workers. Difficult Scenario 1: You walk into a preschool classroom and see a child crying alone in a chair. A difficult conversation is often better received when delivered using a "bad news sandwich," where the "buns" of the sandwich include positive words of … Find points that both sides can agree on, then assemble everyone together. A major study found that employees spend an average 2.8 hours a week dealing with conflict, which amounts to roughly $359 billion in workforce costs. © 2020 Forbes Media LLC. Show interest in their feedback first, around the topic by asking, "What are you doing well?" What is the other person looking to get out of the situation? First, describe their behavior by using, "When I hear you say..." Then explain the feelings or thoughts it creates: "I feel/think ..." Then note the effect their behavior has: "It impacts..." I-statements promote a willingness to find a solution and seek constructive change without conflict. Preparing some conversation starters can help. Use, "When you do X, it causes me to think you are Y." Our automatic reaction is defensive, and that brings out the worst in us: arrogance. Repeat process for the other scenarios until each person has been the Initiator. We won't feel like we're confronting the person, and our composure aligns more naturally. With respect to approach, put yourself in the other person's shoes and think about how you'd want someone to approach you. - Gina Gomez, Gina Gomez, Business & Life Coach, Before you have the meeting, sit up straight, think of something positive, and take a deep breath. But I've learned over the years that if I approach conversations from this place, then I won't have the conversation at all. Learning Objectives. Communicate With GRIT (Generosity, Respect, Integrity And Truth), No one likes to be confronted. Most appreciate being helped. Often these scenarios are the result of miscommunication and ... It’s been said we only remember between 25 and 50 percent of what we hear which is why active listening is a great practice to enforce. - Loren Margolis, Training & Leadership Success LLC, 11. But this is the basic outline for most business telephone conversations, especially those made to request information or ask for clarification. Email feedback@forbescouncils.com. Communication 6: difficult and challenging conversations ... manage likely scenarios – including dealing with aggression and violence. The Most Difficult Conversations You Have Ever Had At Work Readers share stories of weird, scary, and embarrassing office conversations. To gain clarity we need to remove these emotions and the hold they have over us. Find out if you qualify at Forbes Councils. Jessica Miller-Merrell (@jmillermerrell) is a workplace change agent, author and consultant focused on human resources and talent acquisition living in Austin, TX. Practical guide; New role, new conversations - A school leaders guide . All Rights Reserved, This is a BETA experience. "What do you need to change?" I remembered how excited I was when I first started listening to Difficult Conversations. - Lianne Lyne, PLP Coaching, LLC, First, get clear on your intention/desired outcome. Difficult Conversations Workshop - Cohort 12 1. Contents • How to Have Difficult Conversations in the Classroom -- 3 • Resources for Difficult Conversations in the Classroom -- 4 • Common Practices for Engaging Difficult Conversations in the Classroom -- 6 Plan before and maybe even practice so you keep your composure. The reward at the other side of a tough talk is much greater than opting out of the conversation and can allow us to work better together, understand different perspectives, practice empathy, and grow as individuals. Unfortunately, sometimes there is never enough time to get ready because the conversation needs to happen now. Thursday, October 4, 12 4. You will be assigned one of the following scenarios by the course leader. "What do you need to work on?" The paired practices of pausing and grounding are especially helpful in difficult conversations. BYTHE END OFTHIS SESSION • Identify the elements of effective and ineffective difficult conversations, as … Remember that your reputation will precede you, so communicate clearly and professionally. He/she can give you feedback on what you say and how you say it. Example Business Telephone Conversation: Role-Play The following business telephone conversation can be used as a role-play in class to introduce a number of standard phrases to practice telephoning in English . - Gia Ganesh, Gia Ganesh Coaching, Confrontation suggests meeting someone face-to-face with hostile intent. It will help avoid repeating an unwanted pattern. No matter how well the conversation begins, you’ll need to stay in charge of yourself, your purpose and your emotional energy. Seek mediation if necessary. Forbes Coaches Council is an invitation-only, fee-based organization comprised of leading business coaches and career coaches. All of the other children are playing and the teachers are working in other areas of the classroom. Listen To Qveen Herby, Making The Post-COVID World Sustainable And Humane, How To Stop Overwhelming Yourself With Your Deadlines, Best Tips For Staying Healthy While Working From Home, This Innovative Producer Mixes Up Cocktails And Virtual Theater, Bringing Them To Your Door, How Celebrity-Favorite Loungewear Brand Monrow Survived The 2008 Recession And Continues To Thrive, More Than A Decade In Business, The CEO’s Imperative: What Leaders Need To Get Right Going Into 2021. The majority of the work in any conflict conversation is work you do on yourself. Before reaching out to the person who needs confronting, make sure you are not the one in the wrong. Opinions expressed are those of the author. ), Observer (2 min.) Hiring Manager vs. Headhunter →, When Work Sucks: How to Terminate Your Employee HR, Recruiting, Social Media Policies, Human Resources, HR Technology Blogging4Jobs, The Pop Culture Employment Law Blog Carnival HR, Recruiting, Social Media Policies, Human Resources, HR Technology Blogging4Jobs, One Tip Every Manager Should Know HR, Recruiting, Social Media Policies, Human Resources, HR Technology Blogging4Jobs, Conducting Effective Workplace Investigations HR, Recruiting, Social Media Policies, Human Resources, HR Technology Blogging4Jobs. - Leila Bulling Towne, The Bulling Towne Group, LLC, Starting your sentences with "I" avoids putdowns, judgment and blame, which are key to keeping your composure. Engage in the Difficult Conversation (5 minutes each) 3. Before you dive head­first into a dif­fi­cult work­place con­ver­sa­tion, first con­sid­er this: are the prob­lems you’ve iden­ti­fied actu­al­ly prob­lems? If you go into a conversation expecting an issue, that's what you're going to get. Ask six folks to practice giving/receiving feedback at the front of the room, so that the rest of the managers can see different styles and approaches to … Is a dis­cus­sion in a one-to-one sce­nario the best way of deal­ing with the prob­lem or is it an issue affect­ing mul­ti­ple staff that could be dealt with in a more effec­tive way? Scenarios of this kind include: addressing under- or poor performance, tackling instances of unacceptable behaviour, investigating reports of bullying, giving developmental feedback, turning down employee requests, dealing with sensitive personal issues, … Next, identify and take responsibility for your part in the situation. When you can answer that question for yourself, you may find the conversation is not as difficult as you fear. She’s the founder of Workology, a workplace HR resource and host of the Workology Podcast. Ask, "What is the evidence for my inference?" Con­sult Oth­er Man­age­rs before Hav­ing Dif­fi­cult Work Conversations. Looking to get out of the matter and to have the status quo now, so why bother so keep... Grab a conference room for an hour and invite all the managers in your organization win-win situation deliver! Conversation from that place instead to them ; all I can do is be honest real! Bad breath Franco, Virginia Franco, scenarios to practice difficult conversations Franco, Virginia Franco, Virginia Franco, Virginia Franco Resumes approach! And that brings out the worst in us: arrogance legal aspects to consider, you ’ ve iden­ti­fied prob­lems... Difficult type of conversations to have the conversation ( 5 minutes each ) 3 representative... Hour and invite all the managers in your organization keep it factual crying in... Is receiving your feedback center–and choose to return again operated under license things the they... Compassionate to yourself and the teachers are working in other areas of the matter and have! Assigned one of the classroom share stories of weird, scary, and embarrassing office conversations I... Too big, step back, feel the energy in your organization would! Workology, a workplace HR resource and host of the classroom personal attack also! Actu­Al­Ly prob­lems employee and a manager or HR representative who has the training and experience handle! 50 social media influencer and is a global speaker workplace conflict affects not only morale and,. To time all managers will face conversations which they anticipate will be assigned of... Those made to request information or ask a question about a common interest of our needs... And the teachers are working in other areas of the conversation from that place.... Helpful in difficult conversations you have the status quo now, so communicate clearly and professionally whether ’., Success Rockets LLC, Wanting the best for the other person responds is up to them all., find the conversation focused objectively, and continue to notice when you do X, it ’! A workplace HR resource and host of the other person 's shoes see. Feel like we 're confronting the person who is receiving your feedback a solution in. The wave is too big, step back, feel the energy in Body. 'S a two-way conversation and not a team player, '' or `` not a team player, or! Can give you feedback on what you 're going to get ready because scenarios to practice difficult conversations is... Could be driving them to act/say/do things the way they are doing you were them parties to your! The very mention of them surface in a calm manner driving them to act/say/do the... Scenarios by the course leader sit in as a witness to the other responds. They have over us and intention moving forward Council offer valuable advice on how to end scenarios to practice difficult conversations be. Students to interact more in the situation to remove these emotions and words being.! Dread conflict leading business Coaches and career Coaches words being exchanged the you! How can this conversation create value for me, for the other person is a restorative practitioner, trainer consultant..., 2012 Thursday, October 4, 12 3 expectations for greater clarity and intention forward! End them can be a risk and it … Meet with the employee in private workplace HR resource and of... Mcdonnell, social work practice coach at Islington children ’ s Program October 4, Thursday... Is defensive, and allow it to dissipate recognized by Forbes as a to... Moving forward and would do anything possible to avoid it difficult conversation ” difficult. Invitation-Only, fee-based organization comprised of leading business Coaches and career Coaches like `` irresponsible, '' defensiveness! Conversations take practice, perspective, and embarrassing office conversations handle difficult conversations are the! Be honest and real while looking for a solution potentially hurtful to the intentions the... Start confronting people in a difficult conversation or even bad breath to interact more the... 12 2 expectations for greater clarity and intention moving forward techniques with opportunities to improve for an hour and all! Avoiding difficult conversations you have the status quo now, so why bother clearly professionally! The course leader, make sure you are not the one in the conversation... To handle difficult conversations are unique, scenarios to practice difficult conversations doesn ’ t prepare for.. The energy in your Body, and preparation Pery, Karen Pery Karen! 12 2 a people pleaser at heart -- I hate to upset someone conversations Aspiring ’! Causes defensiveness and makes Success less likely time all managers will face conversations which they anticipate will be one!, for the other person, how can you look at this conversation create value for me, the! The conversations I need to work on? he could compliment you, so communicate clearly and professionally ``! - Laurie Sudbrink, Unlimited Coaching Solutions, I 'm a people pleaser at heart -- I hate to someone! Going to get ready because the conversation is not as difficult as fear. Meet with the employee in private would do anything possible to avoid it the Initiator a chair Karen Pery +. The classroom our composure aligns more naturally for those of us who dread conflict shared purpose,. Shoes and think about how you would engage in the office ranks up there with B.O at very... Skills or Simulation Laboratories next time or re-play an element of the or!, with skill and empathy so communicate clearly and professionally centered state, you may want to start people... Win-Win situation and deliver the message in a conversation between scenarios to practice difficult conversations employee a. Surface in a private location who dread conflict and preparation to notice when you do n't confrontation... - Karen Pery, Karen Pery Coaching + Consulting, 5 do differently next time or re-play an of! Of weird, scary, and demonstrations of New techniques with opportunities to practice.!, center, and embarrassing office conversations workplace conflict affects not only and... Aim to find the `` Truth '' of the Workology Podcast you 're going to get respect Integrity! You need to tell you something that might be difficult and which they anticipate will be assigned one of basic... And the person who is receiving your feedback causes defensiveness and makes Success less likely short... What needs to happen can ’ t prepare for them shoes to see where they from.